So as I told you all before, I’m medicated which seems to help. This last week or two though, all I want to do is talk to my Mom. It seems harder now for some reason just to think and talk to her like I do. I have these voicemails recorded and try not to listen since they make me sad.
See the last two weeks, as you know, I’ve been working on stopping my son from nursing in the middle of the night and it has worked but now he’s waking up a lot in the middle of the night. He’s also barely eatting dinner so he wakes up from hunger too. *sighs*
Then there was the whole potty training really starting and back and forth on that.
Then the severe weather and work closing early. Lightning storms scare the $#!7 out of me and normally need to be driven or talk to someone while I drive home. I couldn’t get anyone. It was the first time in a long time that’s happened. It was scary and last time I was that worried was Hurricane Katrina which was a HUGE emotional and mental ordeal for me, personally.
And this weekend, PMSing isn’t helping and my son keeps acting awful every time he gets something he really wants. He just stops listening and does whatever he wants, period. He killed my home phone charger so I have 1 phone charger between work and home now. My phone is my life, it’s a smartphone so I keep track of everything in it.
And then to top it all off, I feel very sad and missing my Mom. I listen to her voicemails with my son. He then wants to hear my Sister’s and Brother’s voicemail messages too. It makes me miss the way things were. My Mom was my best friend, the best person I have ever known and I miss her sooo much. I try so hard not think about her or anything because it’s difficult. I just don’t know what to do or how to deal.
What was weird is I got sad and cried. It was overwhelming and difficult to handle especially since my son was there just watching me. He has so much patience and inner knowledge that I have no idea where he gets it. I stopped and went to the bedroom to to relax and it returned full force and worse. It’s like throwing up but it’s crying. It’s sobbing, body shaking, heart wrenching sobs that were physically debilitating. It took several times for me to call for my husband before I had a voice for him to hear me. This went on for at least 30mins. What is bothersome is I couldn’t stop. I had no way to stop myself at all. When my husband did come and making sure I was physically fine, he told me he thinks I was have an anxiety attack. I’ve never, ever had one like that before. I’ve had mentally distracted which is due to fighting with husband or family but I just have to talk about it and I’m fine. I do get weird headaches and such with it but that’s it. Nothing that causes me to be basically physically paralyzed due to emotions. Normally that’s shock or fear with me that makes me freeze up.
I’m calling my doctor to tomorrow to talk to him about my medicine. I know that with Zoloft being an SSRI and taking with adderall can cause a likelihood of serotonin syndrome happening but it doesn’t seem to fit anything I can find on it or when it can occur. I’ve had little issue otherwise.
Scared the crap out of me so bad. I’m just gonna pray. I don’t know what else to do.
I just wanted to share in hope for advice and support.
Thanks for your eyes and ears.