Posted in Life, Writing

Some reason today…

I don’t know what triggered it. I was listening to the radio and Bruno Mars’ Just the way you are came on but that’s never reminded me of you before. I was talking about lil’ D a lot today too. I just miss you so much, Mama.

All I keep thinking about as I rock my son is you. I think “I want my Mommy.” As glad as I am that you’re no longer in pain and, selfishly, I don’t have to watch you die. I know you’re happier and doing wonderfully with God. That doesn’t mean your physically absence on Earth is lessened. The sadness has been getting easier but I’ll have days, like today, where I miss you so bad it hurts. I just want to drive down, full speed ahead, to your home to see if you’re there which you won’t be. He even rearranged your bedroom. I just wanted to lay down on your bed one more time and never gotten the option or was too embarrassed to ask.

It’s the little things in life that you miss when someone’s gone. It’s also the little moments you spend with them that you didn’t realize you had that you remember so strong and just get reminded that you cannot have that anymore.

God, it hurts!

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