Posted in Family, Life

Realizations that took a year to Accept

I am so angry at you. You are such a coward! What happened to you?! This is not my Sister. You don’t let things fester between us, you realize them and fix them. Where did the trust go? Where do the straightforward honesty and loyalty? Why do I expose myself to someone like you? I’d have left and forgotten all about your negativity years ago if it weren’t for our Mother. We are blood. And yes, we do get to choose our family, not blood relations. There is a difference. Do you have Family? Is our brother even Family to you? He is more so to me than you are.

Last year I wanted my Big Sister. I just accepted all your hurt, angry accusations because our Mother died when I knew somewhere it wasn’t true. I need my Siblings to comfort me, and I them. It never happened, even at the funeral I just felt so numb. It was exciting to play hide n seek with you but it was just an elaborate illusion which you’re wonderful at.

You. Are. A. Pretender.

You manipulate and scheme and use.

I’m tired. “I can’t hide no more. I can’t lie n more so I’ll be on my way.” (“Too Close” by Alex Clare)

I will never be able to wash my hands of you. You are my Sister and that means so much that I don’t there are words to describe it, only emotion.

Blame is a 2-way street, Dear One. As is Communication. You can ignore the other side all you want but it’s still there no matter how much you may wish it otherwise.

You could have called more, texted more or even at better times. Hell, send an email. Heaven forbid you truly tried. Make an effort, a TRUE effort sometime. Your life will get easier. Looks and appearances aren’t everything.

I know and accept that I am partial to blame but you both are too.

Communication is there and there are multiple forms. Pick a healthy one and stop having a temper tantrum because you’re not getting your way or what you THINK you deserve.

Maybe it’s a test you haven’t passed yet and it’s a cycle your stuck in until you do.

Thank you.

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