Posted in Family, Life, napowrimo, Poems, Writing

Feelings of Yesteryears: Mixed Thoughts

Clear.
Clear.
Clear.
Blank.
 
Dishonesty.
Trust.
Grief.
Pain.
Cursed.
gifted.
Lost.
Confused.
 
Always lost and confused.
Forever changing.
Forever becoming better (or so one hopes).
Always trying to find out who I am.
 
Seventeen.
Don’t give a damn on other’s problems.
Can’t feel much.
Scared.
Confused.
Always confused.
 
Tired of being confused.
Tired of not knowing herself.
Tired of being tired.
 
I want to feel
but I’m numb.
I want to care
but I’m not sure what about.
I want to know who I am
but I don’t know where to start.
 
I think with my emotions.
I think with my heart.
Defend with my emotions
but they are gone.
I refuse to put up with other’s bullshit problems
while I’m left to care for my distraught heart and lonesome existence.
I’m left in cluttered shreds of paper pieces on the floor
only to be taped to assemblance then be ripped apart in smaller pieces again.
 
[sighs]
 
I’m tired.
I’m alone.
I’m lost.
I’m confused.
I can’t find myself
and am afraid of who I may become.
 
I try to find history on my family.
I try to know my dad without communicating with him.
I make the possible impossible.
With Michelle Branch’s “Paper Pieces” in my head -love it!
 
My hand hurts.
I’m tired and alone.
I’m a bundle of emotions with little outcome.
What am I to do?
 
Turn off my lamp.
Go to sleep with the fan’s noise as my lullaby.
 
Comforting, huh? [yawns]
 [kiss]
 
Originally written 21 Sept 2003
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Author:

I am a job seeker. I am looking for a position in a fast pace office setting that is seeking a loyal, dedicated, quick learner who wants to help and improve those around them.

2 thoughts on “Feelings of Yesteryears: Mixed Thoughts

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