Dearest Author of This Post,
You make me feel happy and sad. I am honored that you shared this with the world. I admit that I have never known the loss of children but I have of best friends, pets, and especially my own Mother who passed away December 6, 2011. I know that as husband and wife, as best friends, life partners that it is sometimes not easy to talk or express how you feel. I know this especially with the loss of my Mother.
The first 6 months were the hardest knowing that you grieved because the future that was going to be is gone. And there is nothing anyone can do about it.
No one aids in your preparation for grief, loss, bereavement, or even disappointment. I know no one has for me.
Thank you so much for honoring us with a glimpse into your heart and your marriage. I know this could not have been easy for you or your husband. I am certain that your little angels are watching over you and helping you when they can. I know I feel my Mother periodically around my family and me. You never realize what someone feels like until they’re gone–I didn’t.
Dreams can be so powerful too. A few weeks after my Mother died and for the remainder of 2012, I dreamt she was resurrected and had something on earth that God needed her to finish. I also had to experience her leaving again and as sad as I was that she was gone, I wasn’t scared of the loss, and realized that she would always be around me. I might not hear her but I know for a definitive fact that she is there for me in Heaven. Thank you for this reminder.
Love and Gratitude,
I lay in bed the other night, hands crossed over my heart and legs pin-straight, and thought of those words:
This is not about me at all, is it? This is all about you.
That’s what you said to me when I told you I wanted to have the procedure done. A procedure that would be risky, as any procedure is, but that might point us to what’s wrong. The answer to why our children are in the clouds and not here with us.
I was angry at you for saying such a cruel thing. So I went to bed in silence and didn’t tell you to sleep with God and dream with me like I always do. I didn’t kiss you or reach for your hand in reconciliation. I simply lay there, emotionally entombed, trying not to breathe too hard or feel too much as I waited for sleep…
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