Posted in Challenges, Family, Improving Self, Parenting

Tell me more

Readers,

There has been many changes for me personally lately; while I cannot share them with you yet, I can tell you that it has increased my stress level. I think it has increased my whole family’s stress level and I do not believe we are handling it very well.

My wonder 5 year has decided that he is afraid of being alone–only at night–and his fear of the dark seems to have worsened with this too. He has been going through a severe growth spurt. Clothes that he got for Christmas that were a bit big, fit now. I know he has been going through many changes physiologically and tends to be more sensitive during growth spurts.

He has also gotten into the habit of wanting to ask for things he knows he cannot have, such as a snack right after dinner when he hasn’t finished his dinner. I am tired of saying “no.” I found this interesting website that has some good ideas called TEACH through Love.

I came across this one blog post entitled, “Managing Difficult Behaviors with Three Magic Words.” I had to no more. She has the same issue with her daughter and is tired of saying no as well. She says, “Tell me more.” Children are not always capable of expressing themselves or understanding how they feel–it is a learning process. Her idea behind “tell me more” is to avoid explanation or reasoning on the Parent’s part and learn what is really going on with the child.

She explains it great in this comment:

“Tell me more” is what you say to relentless kids. That’s the idea 🙂

Here is where you create problems for yourself:

“then I tell them that there are things that I would like to have as well but we cant always get what we want when we want it”

Don’t switch to logic. You were in empathy and listening and then you shut it down with logic and reason. Kids just want to be heard. So say tell me more and then be quiet. Validate what you hear. Don’t get mad when they still nag or ask. Engaging in “discussions” is not the purpose. Hearing the feelings is what soothes kids and creates resilience.”

I thought I would share this because children are not the only ones who can act this way; adults can to. Perhaps it can help enable discussion more often. I hope this has helped. Please feel free to leave a comment or use the Contact Me page. I am so excited to hear back from you.

Sincerely yours,

Laili

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