Posted in ADHD, Depression and Anxiety, Life, Poems, Writing

Brain (Poem)

Brain, oh

Brain, oh

Brain

How, sometimes, I wish you’d go away.

Go away from my head and wander away from me.

I would not have to think the thoughts that you send to me.

I could be blissfully ignorant for a time until you return.

Oh, the joy, Brain, that would bring to me.

Oh, the joy I would experience, not the cloudy gloom that you bring.

Depression and you have been conspiring together again

And I am the one who suffers.

Why, Brain, must I suffer because of thee?

Depression pulls at me until I finally snap allowing a hole, however small, to pull the anxiety, the fear, the pain from the recesses of my mind to come and play. 

They are not toys, not playthings; they hurt me so.

Why must they come out to play with you, Brain?

Why?

They seem shiner and new because you forgot them when they were put away.

Depression lies to you, Brain; it says it is ok.

Brain, oh

Brain, oh

Brain

When will we learn to seee through the lies?

Posted in Family, Life, Poems

Ten years together

I miss being in love
That whole body happiness and excitement from the tips of my toes to the top of my head
Oh, how I miss that zing when we kissed
I miss that need we both had to touch each other
Hold hands
Cuddle
Able to sit silently
No need to talk
just being in each other’s presence was enough
I miss falling asleep in his arms

As much as I miss that
I don’t mind that it’s not there as much
I am more than in love with him
I am devoted
content
dedicated
satisfied
Loyal
He is my Keeper
And I am his

He does not leave me wanting
Ever
He listens and understands
like those who have known me all my life
Sometimes better

I listen and lovingly care for his vulnerabilities and worries
Keeping all his secrets
Just as he keeps mine
There is nothing to hide between us
We have known and experienced each other at our best and worst
There seems to be little left to learn about the other
All that seems left is to experience life together
Work through new situations and circumstances together
The best we can

Doing your best is all anyone can ask for
It’s all I ask of him
It’s all he asks of me
I am not always very good at giving that back
I wish I knew why
at work, it is so easy but at home, it is not

When needed, our relationship dynamic shifts and changes
We adapt
We always talk
We always work it out
Patience is not always easy to give
But it is when it is needed

I love him
My love for him is so much deeper than any other love I have known,
Save God

The love for our son is different
As it should be
There is nothing my child could do to make me not love him
Nothing
Sometimes that scares me

It scares me because
that is how I feel about my husband too
It is not something I normally dwell on
It just pops in my head once in a while
I don’t know why that happens
I will panic
even knowing that it is not true
But plan a contingency anyway
Anxiety is not a friend of nine

I am loyal
I am almost unconditionally loyal
Betrayal (or lies) has to occur several times in deeper degrees or numerous times for me to walk away
It may take me a while
But…

IMG_1492.JPG

It took me many years to learn the difference
and when it is ok to give up
As much as some people seek you out to talk
Talking does not mean resolution-seeking
Talking can be enable
Fix the problem
not aid someone to endure it
However
They need to ask for a solution before the problem can be fixed
Asking for help is not easy
Even for those who are in love
It is something learned and worked on to understand through the years
Some things are so easy to understand
Others are not and have to either be straight-up told
Or learned from experience
Not everyone knows themselves well enough to explain their behaviors to you

I love him more than myself
I am unsure how he compares to our son
While my love is different for each of them, you cannot ask me, “Who do you love more?”
I could never decide
Never

I want my future to be with him
I want our future to always be together
I love him
Every day, I love him more and deeper
One day, my love for him will be a part of my DNA
And all future children will automatically love him the moment they hear his voice or see his eyes

I have never felt this way before
I am unsure if I could again
Except for him
Always him

(C) All rights reserved 2014

Posted in Improving Self, Interests, Life

Science Shows Something Surprising About People Who Still Read Fiction

Good Morning Readers,

I came across this on Facebook this morning and wanted to share it with you. Apparently reading fiction is a social interaction, especially literary fiction, and makes one able to empathize more. I found that fascinating and couldn’t stop reading it. I hope you enjoy it!

Have a lovely day,

Laili

They tend to be more empathetic toward others. 

It’s not news that reading has countless benefits: Poetry stimulates parts of the brain linked to memory and sparks self-reflection; kids who read the Harry Potter books tend to be better people. But what about people who only read newspapers? Or people who scan Twitter all day? Are those readers’ brains different from literary junkies who peruse the pages of 19th century fictional classics?

Short answer: Yes — reading enhances connectivity in the brain. But readers of fiction? They’re a special breed.

The study: A 2013 Emory University study looked at the brains of fiction readers. Researchers compared the brains of people after they read to the brains of people who didn’t read. The brains of the readers — they read Robert Harris’ Pompeii over a nine-day period at night — showed more activity in certain areas than those who didn’t read.

Specifically, researchers found heightened connectivity in the left temporal cortex, part of the brain typically associated with understanding language. The researchers also found increased connectivity in the central sulcus of the brain, the primary sensory region, which helps the brain visualize movement. When you visualize yourself scoring a touchdown while playing football, you can actually somewhat feel yourself in the action. A similar process happens when you envision yourself as a character in a book: You can take on the emotions they are feeling.

It may sound hooey hooey, but it’s true: Fiction readers make great friends as they tend to be more aware of others’ emotions.

This is further apparent in a 2013 study that investigated emotional transportation, which is how sensitive people are to others’ feelings. Researchers calculated emotional transportation by having participants express how a story they read affected them emotionally on a five-point scale — for example, how the main character’s success made them feel, and how sorry they felt for the characters.

In the study, empathy was only apparent in the groups of people who read fiction and who were emotionally transported. Meanwhile, those who were not transported demonstrated a decrease in empathy.

Literary fiction enhanced participants’ empathy because they had to work harder at fleshing out the characters. The process of trying to understand what those characters are feelings and the motives behind them is the same in our relationships with other people.

As the Guardian reports, Kidd argues that applying the skills we use when reading critically to the real world makes sense because “the same psychological processes are used to navigate fiction and real relationships. Fiction is not just a simulator of a social experience, it is a social experience.”

The world around is as real as it gets. Might as well indulge in some fiction. Science says it’ll make you better at interacting with people.

via Science Shows Something Surprising About People Who Still Read Fiction – Mic.

Posted in Poems

Even though I’m dreaming…

Even though I’m dreaming, it still hurts to say goodbye
To know that you won’t be there as we live this other life
I know that I am dreaming
It is great to see you there, every single time
To know that you won’t be there
when I close my eyes and dream
To know it is the last time to see you in my dreams
It hurts as much as the first time
The first time you went away
The first time I said goodbye to you
The first time I knew you wouldn’t be there
The first time I knew you won’t answer when I call
The first time we buried you six feet down
To see the broken earth
Wrap you in its arms
To know that it was final
I am glad that you are gone
No longer suffering away
I am bereft to see our future gone
Just watching it fade away
Decades full of memories
Decades full of pain
Decades full of love and laughter
Decades no longer shared with you

Even though I’m dreaming, it still hurts to say goodbye
Every time

Posted in Family, napowrimo, Poems, Writing

Beautiful Man

Beautiful man
Unknowing of his own beauty
Lying asleep beside
Disliking his form
“fat man” he calls himself
My man
I love you just the way you are
whole
 
My Beautiful man with molten amber eyes
When his eyes burn, they burn for knowledge
they burn for betterment
but best of all, they burn for me
 
My Beautiful man
I wish you could see yourself as I see you
You wear your beautiful soul for all to see
Radiating yourself
Allowing others to see you
The truth of who you are
Do you know who you are, Beautiful man?
You are my Husband.
 
originally written 2014 April 15